”This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it!” Psalm 118:24 NKJV
I’ll be honest, the past few months it has been a struggle to make it through the day without losing my temper, crying, or both. I’ve gone inward in my grief, and tried to shut out the world.
So far, in my darkened room this month, I’ve watched the first 4 seasons of Criminal Minds on Netflix.
When you are sad and depressed, Criminal Minds is probably not the show to binge watch, FYI.
I had just begun to process life without my Dad, when my Nana was diagnosed with lung cancer in January. Then I lost both her and my Papa in March. It sucks.
I love them. I enjoyed spending time with them. They were my people.
On top of that my grandparents were my security blanket in a lot of ways. Their home was always a safety zone for me. I lived there when I was a baby, spent summers there as a child, and lived there when I was unemployed.
It was my home base. I was there with my cousins for every holiday beginning with Papa Day (St. Patrick’s Day), ending with Christmas, and every random one in between. If life sucked I could go there and be safe. I went there on sunny summer days to play Scrabble with Nana on the Deck. I went there before blizzards to make sure they had what they needed. I went there just to hug them.
I not only lost my people, I lost my home.
Normally their house was where I went when life belted me, and now in the hardest loss I’ve ever faced, I can’t go where I’ve always gone for comfort.
I know I’m supposed to be comforted by Holy Spirit, and I am. If I didnt have Him, I wouldn’t have been capable of being there for them in their last days. I would have been weeping constantly and been of zero use to anyone. He is amazing. I still feel His presence and have the peace Jesus brings. But I still feel blah about life right now.
I don’t know how to move forward.
I don’t want to accept the new normal.
I want to sit in my darkened room and watch Criminal Minds.
I don’t want to miss them every day.
I don’t want to feel how much this hurts.
I don’t want to think about them not being at future events.
I don’t want my heart to hurt because it’s 4th of July weekend and there will be no cookout. There will not be hide and seek with my cousin’s kiddos in the back yard. The back yard is blooming with her flowers but she is not there. His yard has been mowed but not by him.
Death sucks. I’m so glad Jesus beat the crap out of death and was resurrected. I’m so glad Jesus is alive! Because it means I will see my people again…and they will be happy and healthy and free.
But it doesn’t change that I need to feel the feelings and deal with the waves of grief that are drowning me in sadness. Even though I don’t really know how to move forward, and I’m not sure I want to…I know I need to.
They loved me and would hate that I’m so sad that I’m wasting their favorite sunshine filled days in a darkened room.
I have no regrets. I was there with them when they left this world. That was a gift. I spent consistent time with them when I had them here. That was also a gift.
I could go on here about how sad I am right now and how many times I broke down crying while typing this…but that isn’t the point I want to make.
The point is that I will miss them forever at every event. That will not change.
I need to choose to feel those feelings and choose to deal with them. I need to choose continue to live my life, instead of choosing to hide out. I need to choose joy. Because the joy of the Lord is my strength. And I need that strength to get through this time.
Point to ponder while you wander…
“This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it!” Psalm 118:24
I believe that each day is a gift. Living this belief is a choice. Being determined to declare that no matter what this day brings I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. #joyisstrength
King David wrote a good chunk of Psalms. He wrote in the desperate times, the good times, the perilous times, and basically every other time in his life.
Being a writer…I appreciate David’s vulnerability and his willingness to express it.
David would seek God when he was at the mercy of someone else’s choices (King Saul trying to kill him) and when his own choices caught up to him.
He never blamed God. He had a legit relationship with God, and understood who God is. God is merciful. God is ever present. He is persistent and consistent.
God never left David. Their relationship was permanent. God’s love unconditional.
When I’m struggling…I curl right up and live in Psalms. They remind me that the answer is always pray, trust God, and worship no matter what.
Why is that the answer? Because God is listening and loves me unconditionally, just like King David.
Point to ponder while you wander…
God is listening to you and will answer you…
“I will praise You, for You have answered me, and have become my salvation.” Psalm 118:21 NKJV
“On the day I called, You answered me; And You made me bold and confident with [renewed] strength in my life.” Psalm 138:3 AMP
“As soon as I pray, You answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.” Psalm 138:3 NLT
We may not SEE immediate results from our prayers, but that doesn’t mean God is ignoring you. He is listening. He heard you. Trust His timing.
His initial response is to encourage and strengthen you. To remind you He loves you, especially in those times when strengthening you is all God can do in the situation.
Sometimes God cannot do what you’ve asked. He has the ability, of course, but God respects our free will. He will only work within the confines of our choices.
When people make choices, God respects those choices even if He doesn’t agree with them. Sometimes other people’s choices negatively impact us.
When this happens pray the Word over the situation! Keep declaring His promises to turn it around for your good!
God will not intervene without invitation. This means your prayer is vital. Essential. Key. VITAL. Keep praying. Keep speaking the Word over every person in the situation. It matters.
Point to ponder while you wander… Prayer invites God to do whatever He can to turn the situation around for the good of those who love Him.
Keep praying. Trust Him. He is faithful. Even when those around us are not.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT
More on this Subject: https://jillbeingstill.com/2016/06/30/god-is-listening/
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.” Hebrews 13:6
His Extra + Your Ordinary = Extraordinary
His super + Your natural = Supernatural
Point to ponder while you wander…You are not alone. You have an ever present help. His name is Holy Spirit. 😎 You’ve also got Jesus and Father God. That is quite the team!
We were created to be in partnership with Jesus, so when we try to be Lone Rangers we get drained, stressed, weary, and depressed. But…
“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 NLT
I’ve been really struggling the past few months. I have been asking Jesus about it recently but because I feel so overwhelmingly sad I haven’t been able to hear Him clearly. I know He’s speaking but I can’t hear what He is speaking. This morning I went on Bible Gateway to look something up and Isaiah 40:31 was the verse of the day.
I heard very clearly that I’ve become weary because I’m trying to get through this without Him. And I can’t. Not if I ever want to heal completely.
I’ve been trying to survive on the fumes of my own strength, when He’s got a new fresh supply of strength for me that will allow me to thrive even in grief.
I don’t know how people can get through loss and hard times without Jesus. I am eternally grateful for the new strength He provides when my own runs out.
Point to ponder while you wander…“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
There’s so much packed in this little verse!!
1. Worship. Remind yourself how good and glorious and kind our Father God is.
2. He gives us good gifts. No gift is better than Holy Spirit. He enables us to thrive no matter where we are! This means…
We are powerful, even when we feel weak!
We have grace to thrive, not just so survive!
3. We have excessively generous favor, more than we need because He has more good for us than we can ask or think!
Chew in that today! More than I can ask or think? That’s huge because my imagination is pretty amazing at coming up with some crazy scenarios. Looking forward to what this more than I can ask or think looks like!
Point to ponder while you wander…all of have that power is inside of us. Enabling us. That means YOU are powerful! It means you can handle (with the help of Holy Spirit) anything that comes your way today. That’s the gift of Grace.