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Ow! My Pride.
“Though He scoffs at the scoffers and scorns the scorners,Yet He gives His grace [His undeserved favor] to the humble [those who give up self-importance].” Proverbs 3:34 AMP
Being humble doesn’t mean you view yourself as worthless, it means you recognize your need for God and other people. You understand you don’t have all the answers, and aren’t embarrassed to ask for help.
This is a struggle for me because I would prefer to just do things myself. I get it done faster, and it is done the way I want it done. And I hate asking for help because I don’t like bugging people (Excuse alert! The people who don’t want to help or can’t will say no.) and I don’t like looking weak. (Oh there it is! There’s pride rearing its ugly head.)
Right now I am in the process of moving. While I can pack all my stuff and sort it easier by myself, I physically cannot move all of my stuff alone. Reality says, “Jill, you cannot physically lift that couch.”
I think this physical truth is true in our emotional areas too. We are capable of handling some of our own stuff alone or just us and God. But there are times we need people who are rational when our emotions get the best of us. They can help us sort and deal with things that are too heavy to move alone.
Same applies when were out of our depth spiritually. When we are transitioning or going to a higher level, we need someone who is more mature to walk with us, pray with us, and encourage us to keep going.
And let’s face it we all need accountability. I know I do. I’m grateful for my support team. I could not have handled all the day-in and day-out stuff without them.
Point to ponder while you wander…being humble doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you are teachable, and know when you need to ask for help.
“God blesses those who are humble,for they will inherit the whole earth.” Matthew 5:5 NLT
Deep Thought Thursday: Responding to our Enemies
“Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives His best–the sun to warm & the rain to nourish–to everyone.” Matthew 5:44-45 MSG
So many times in my life I’ve let people steal my joy and peace because of the way they’ve treated me. For too long I’ve let my day be darkened by someone else’s attitude. Jesus spoke this for our protection and for our good.
When we respond the way Jesus recommends, we are able to maintain our peace and joy. We grow in maturity. It’s a bad situation turned for our good. And we are helping someine who is struggling, because that other person clearly needs prayer, a love infusion, and more Jesus.
When we allow people (whether we like, love or loathe them) to color or even ruin our day by their behavior it means we have ceded control of our mind, will, and emotions to someone else. And that someone else probably doesn’t like themselves any more than they like us.
Something to ponder while you wander…a person’s treatment of you is a reflection of them, not you. Your reaction reveals your heart condition, not theirs.
Deep Thought Thursday: The Definition of Awesome
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and assigns each a name. Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what He knows and does.” Psalm 147:3-5 MSG
Yahweh is gentle, and yet the epitome of strength.
He is fully occupied, and yet so faithful that He never misses a single appointed time.
Yahweh is so deep and complex, yet simple enough to be described as simply as good.
There’s so much about Him we won’t fully understand on this side of eternity, and yet He invites us into a relationship with Him so He may reveal His secrets and mysteries to us.
Something to ponder while you wander…I use awesome and fully awesome all the time, but in truth the only one worthy to be called fully awesome is Yahweh. He is the true definition of awesome!
Nothing More Powerful
Nothing is more powerful than the Love of God! Nothing!
“There is no power above or beneath us–no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!” Romans 8:39 TPT
-His love reveals itself in patient endurance, waiting for us to come to Him. “So the Lord must wait for you to come to Him so He can show His love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.” Isaiah 30:18 NLT
-His love reveals itself in choosing to send Jesus to us while we were far from him. “For God has proved His love by giving us His greatest treasure, the gift of His Son. And God freely offered Him up as the sacrifice for us all, He certainly won’t withhold from us anything else He has to give.” Romans 8:32 TPT
-His love reveals itself in believing in us, and speaking His truth over us. We say “I know I am so unworthy–so in need.” He says, “Yet you are so lovely.” Song of Songs 2:5 TPT
-His love reveals itself by never leaving us nor forsaking us. He’s as close as the air we breathe, every single day. He doesn’t walk away or tell us “You made your bed now lie in it. “…you always have God’s presence. For hasn’t He promised you, ‘I will never leave you alone, never!” Hebrews 13:5 TPT
Something to ponder while you wander…His love is unfailing so even your mistakes, bad choices, failures & indecision can’t stop God from loving you. “I have loved you, My people, with an everlasting love, with unfailing love I’ve drawn you to Myself.” -Jeremiah 31:3 NLT
4 Short Lessons from I Samuel 17
Earlier this week I was reading I Samuel 17. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s the David vs Goliath chapter. A few things, well four actually, popped out at me:
Lesson #1 (I Samuel 17:28 NLT)
But when David’s oldest brother, Eliab, heard David talking to the men, he was angry. “What are you doing around here anyway?” he demanded. “What about those few sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know about your pride and deceit. You just want to see the battle!”
Sometimes those “know” you are the ones who don’t want you to grow, change or step out. Don’t let other people’s shortsightedness hold you back from your giant slaying destiny!
Facts vs Truth
Sometimes your situation just sucks. You look at the facts and you’re like, yep, it’s over for me now. This is the battle I’m not strong enough to win, and you start looking for the surrender flag. Well, before you start waving that little white flag think about King David. II Samuel 15 tells the story of Absalom betraying and rebelling against his father, King David. Rather than fighting, King David chooses to flee Jerusalem with his close followers, hoping to spare the city. I’m guessing he didn’t really want to fight against his son either. As David flees, he writes Psalm 3 to capture exactly how he’s feeling.
What I appreciate about this Psalm is David is vulnerable with the Lord, sharing his raw emotion about being betrayed, being the subject of ridicule, and feeling like everyone and everything was against him. He feels all his feelings, as my roommate would say. But David doesn’t allow himself to be trapped in his “feelings.” He acknowledges the facts of the situation, but then reminds himself that God is bigger than his circumstances. He declares the truth over the facts. Facts are facts. But truth….ah truth. Truth is bigger than facts.
Here’s what I mean:
The facts say: My son has betrayed me. Many of my own people have sided with him against me. The rest of the kingdom are talking about me. Telling each other that God’s against me. I’ve had to go on the run, AGAIN. First from Saul and now from my own son!
David could have looked at the reality of the facts and given up. He could have admitted defeat. He could have sat under his little cloud of depression and let the lamentation pour out of him. “Poor me. Nothing ever goes right for me. I’ve done what I was supposed to do, I don’t deserve this. My life is over. It will never be good again. I might as well give up.” But he didn’t!
Psalm 3:1-2 is David acknowledging the facts of his situation and feeling his feelings.
“O Lord, I have so many enemies;
so many are against me.
So many are saying,
“God will never rescue him!”“
Psalm 3:3-6 is where David shifts to declaring what He knows to be true. He reminds himself who God is and who he is to God.
“But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.
I cried out to the Lord,
and he answered me from his holy mountain.
I lay down and slept,
yet I woke up in safety,
for the Lord was watching over me.
I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies
who surround me on every side.“
Psalm 3:7-8 is David asking the Lord to change the facts based upon the truth.
“Arise, O Lord!
Rescue me, my God!
Slap all my enemies in the face!
Shatter the teeth of the wicked!
Victory comes from you, O Lord.
May you bless your people.“
David’s situation was real! He was in a life or death situation here. There was a real army invading his city, led by his own son. I’m not making light of the seriousness of this situation. I wouldn’t make light of anyone’s situation. I get that facts and reality are real. I’m not trying to sugar coat and say that bad things never happen. We live in a world that has evil in it. Good stuff and bad stuff happens to EVERYONE. Tragedy and difficult situations occur whether you are at the top of the heap or closer to the bottom. Jesus, Himself, said, “The father gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.” (Matthew 4:45) God only gives good gifts, because that is all he has to give. But because of the state of this world, everyone will face issues and hard times. It’s just the way that it is right now.
I don’t know what your facts are. You may be facing foreclosure on your home. You or someone you love may be fighting for your life against disease or cancer. Or like David, you may have been betrayed. If you’re struggling, I am sorry. Truly. But if you get caught up in your feelings over the facts, your battle will be harder and longer. I’m not saying ignore your feelings, because you need to acknowledge how you feel about the situation. What I’m saying is don’t stay there. I’m also not telling you to dismiss reality and put your head in the sand and wait for the situation to go away. I’m far too practical for that nonsense. What I am saying is that facts change! You may get a check tomorrow that catches up or pays off all your bills. You may be healed this very day. You never know how the goodness of God will show up in your life. He’s the source of all creativity so it may not be in the way you expect. Something could happen in 5 minutes that completely changes everything.
Take David’s model and apply it to your situation. Here’s an example for someone who is unemployed and facing foreclosure of their home:
Facts and feelings:
Lord, I am terrified. I don’t have a job and I am six months behind on my mortgage and only a few days away from my house being foreclosed on. Not only will my credit be destroyed by this, but I could lose my home. I don’t want to be homeless, especially in the winter. I don’t know what to do!!!
Shift to the truth:
I know I am Your child, Father, and that You love me! I know that You are my provider. You have blessed me with well paying jobs in the past. You have provided for me during my unemployment. I’ve always had food and money to pay my gas and electric bills. Thank you for being my provision. You are good. You are faithful. You are Yahweh Yireh! The God who provides. The last time I was unemployed you provided me a place to live and provision. I know that you will continue to provide in this time of unemployment.
Prayer and Declaration:
Arise O Lord and Rescue me, my God! I cannot do this without you, I need a miracle. I believe you will provide! I will receive your provision no matter which way it comes to me. I thank you for the provision you’ve given me in the past and I thank you for what you are doing now on my behalf. I declare that my house is paid off in the Name of Yahweh Yireh. Even though I fear poverty and homelessness, I know your love is bigger than my fear. I know that your goodness and mercy are bigger than my situation and mistakes. Thank you for blessing me Father!
The facts in your life may be dire, but those facts are subject to change. Your identity, who you are in Christ Jesus, does not change because of your circumstances and situations. Truth is that you are a beloved child of God. Truth is that greater is He that is within you, than he that is in the world. Truth is that you are valued by God. Your worth and value to Him does not change because of the mistakes you made or your circumstances, even if they are bigger than you can handle. Truth is that God is bigger than any circumstance or situation, and He loves you passionately and unconditionally.
Vows Aren’t Always a Good Thing
I need to share something I read on FB last week. It impacted me deeply and I am going to tell you why, if you don’t want to know why, feel free to scroll down.
I had made a vow as a nine year old that walled me in from allowing myself to be loved. It was in reaction to nearly losing my mom. While I didn’t actually lose my mom, she’s still alive and kicking and completely fabulous, the thought of losing her crippled me in a way that I have no words for. I was terrified of loss. So at the age of nine after a complete bawling session, I washed my face and looked my little blonde self in the mirror and said, “I will never need anyone again.”
Here are some effects of this vow:
1. I sabotaged relationships and only committed myself to relationships that I knew couldn’t possibly work.
2. I struggled with commitment to anything, even though I craved stability.
3. Even though I had my mom and still have my mom, I didn’t really let her be my mom. I could be found most often trying to be her mom or trying to distance myself from her as far as possible. It would be easier for me that way, like it wouldn’t hurt so much if I lost her. Wow. That doesn’t sound crazy at all, does it?
I need to take a minute to tell you about my little tiny mom. (She’s 4’10” and weighs about 100 lbs…so I call her my little momma). My mom is not perfect, but I have to give her a shout out here. I was not the easiest child to raise (rebellious, mouthy, attitudinal, angry, ran away from home and hitch-hiked to Florida with my boyfriend and one of my best friends at age 17…you get the picture). But she was always there. She never left. My mom is stubborn, honest, and fiercely loyal. She always went to bat for me, and she still does. One could do worse than to have a mom who will fight for you and against you when needed. She made a choice to love me and she never stopped, even when it was hard. Thank you, Little Momma!
4. I went to college and got a degree, but didn’t go after photography and writing which were my actual dreams. I was afraid they would tell me I wasn’t any good at writing and photography, and I couldn’t bear to hear it. So I majored in International Relations (AKA wanting to live in foreign countries where accents abound).
5. I didn’t really try or challenge myself in High School or College because I didn’t want to fail. I always took the easy road, whichever path did not require effort. Why go after what you want? If you do, and do manage to get it, you could lose it. So I didn’t take any risk. Fear of failure, check. Fear of success, check. Crazy, check check.
The kicker is that I had no idea why I did these things. I only understood recently that the reason I was so afraid was wrapped up in a fear of loss and a vow I made at nine years old.
I never told anyone of this decision not to need anyone. I didn’t even remember it until God showed me why I was struggling so hard to give and receive love and why it was so incredibly difficult for me to allow anyone to bless me or help me. This vow was made to protect myself, but really what it did was isolate me and prevent me from really receiving the love I so desperately wanted. I believed that the lie that I wasn’t really loved. I believed the lie that I was a mistake that needed to be erased. I believed the lie that I did not need anyone, not even Jesus. Although I accepted Him as my Savior “just in case” because I was afraid of eternal fire and damnation.
Yes, I am aware of what a mess I was. Yes, I am aware of how crazy all of this sounds and is. It’s why I love Jesus so much. He loved me even when I was completely unable to love Him. He loves me still. And I am crying now. (Deep breath taken here.)
Anyway…
I disavowed that vow and asked Jesus to help me to undo it. I don’t know what kind of help I expected. But I certainly was not expecting a season where I had absolutely no choice but to allow people to help me and ask for help. I have always been willing to give, but receiving has been near impossible for me. And now I have to let people help me, even though I have no way to repay them. I have to trust that Jesus will repay what I cannot. I pray blessing over those that have come along side of me and been helping me. I hope that someday I will be able to pass on what I have been given to other people.
And now I am crying again…sheeesh. I seem to cry a lot these days. Not because I’m sad. But because I am overwhelmed by love and generosity and kindness of the people in my world. Something I never would have experienced if God hadn’t shown me this deeply embedded root. Gratitude abounds in a time when I don’t have a whole lot that seems to be going right.
That being said…here’s a post by Jo Ellen Stevens. (Note: I copied the following word for word. I did not write it, nor do I own the content.) I hope that this helps you.
WHEN MY VOW BECAME A GOD
Jo Ellen Stevens
https://www.facebook.com/joellen.stevens.9
” If a man vows a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break and profane his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.” Numbers 30:2 (AMP)
The Lord spoke to me the other day out of the blue and began to show me something about many of you. He began by reminding me of my story. When I was very, very young I was married to a man that was abusive both verbally and physically. I don’t tell you this story to gain your sympathy or to make excuses for my life but to see you set free of something that you may not even realize has controlled your life for many years…
While I was married to this man back in 1969 I became pregnant with the only child that I ever had and is now with the Lord.. Because of some of the abuse I believe I lost this child.
When I began to miscarry he took me to the Airforce hospital in Michigan that we were stationed at and there he left me in this cold room with no one to be with me.. I remember there being another person in the room in another bed . I was in full labor because I was about five months along.
I remember at one point a nurse coming in and saying to me that I needed to be quiet so as to not disturb anyone else.. So as silently as I could in that much pain I finished having this miscarriage. The next morning I woke up to go to the restroom and passed out..The next thing I knew I was back in bed and they told me that I had, had a DNC. I didn’t even know what that was I was just 16 years old and didn’t know much about life…
When I came out and went home my husband began to tell me how fat I was, so I ate nothing but beef broth until I was down to my size three clothes again. I found out from someone that my husband had been at a party all the while that I was in the hospital with another woman.
The next week we went to a place with some friends and I was in the back seat and started crying as I was telling the other lady in our car about my miscarriage and my then husband stopped the car abruptly and turned around and began slapping me over and over..
I told you all of this to show you where I was going with this.. Many years later after I had been divorced and had gotten married to my husband now of 25 years. I was in my basement ironing and I was asking the Lord what caused my perfectionism that had driven me and everyone else nearly crazy for many years..
He showed me that at that moment that the incident happened that I had Vowed a Vow in my heart that I would never let another man do that to me again..That I would always be the prettiest and the skinniest, the best house keeper etc….
…He said that I needed to disavow that which I had vowed.. I cried all day but God set me free..
Now just the other day the Lord spoke to me again and said this…. He said that when you vow a vow that was not of him that the vow begins to inwardly govern your life and it becomes a God to you instead of Him..
He said many of my people in tough situations in their lives have become perfectionists and many other things because they vowed a vow that was not of Him..They have blocked out my will for their life because it had become a constitution to them…
He said that He wanted me to bring this out so that any of you can ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light on these areas and you can be set free to be obedient to Him again…
So ask the Lord right now to shine His light in any area that you have made your own constitution. He is ready to set you free…. It is not an easy thing to do .It will tear you up inside but it is a good tearing.. You will feel so free when this happens!!
Many of you will be healed in your body right now as you allow this to happen…. Glory to our Deliverer!!!
Father, we ask you to shine your light on those places in us that we have not yielded over to you because of ungodly vows in our time of pain.. We ask you to cleanse us of that and let your Holy Spirit teach us how to walk in freedom and obedience to your will In Jesus Mighty Name!! Amen!!
Arise,shine! Jo Ellen Stevens
More than I can Handle
I recently read this blog post by Nate Pyle about confronting the lie that God won’t give you more than you can handle. All I have to say to this is AMEN!
I get so irritated by that trite NON-Biblical saying. Life will dish out way more than you can take. It’s life. It happens. And it happens to absolutely everyone at one time or another. No matter your age, race, religion. No matter what country or city you live it. Crap happens. Sometimes it’s deep crap.
I can tell you with certainty that it happens because I’ve been treading in the deep crap end of the pool for months and months. I haven’t loved the trials and struggles. I have hated every single minute of the struggle. No disrespect to the Apostle Paul, but rejoicing in trials is not my thing.
But even though I have hated every minute of this season, I have been learning a lot about myself, what I believe, and about who God really is. Even in this season of struggle, I have peace. When you receive letters from your mortgage company threatening foreclosure and your phone rings off the hook with collection calls, peace is a precious commodity. All I can say is that I would not have made it this far without Jesus and the peace He gives.
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”- John 14:27 NLT
I have peace even though there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix this situation by myself. I need a miracle. It’s pretty much the only answer to my situation right now. So I am praying for a miracle and trusting that God is with me in this mess that is more than I can handle.
The other thing that irritates me is when people say, “So where’s your good God now?” Um. Same place He’s always been. Right here with me. Loving me. Believing in me and rooting me on. I may not understand or know why, but I do know that I am not alone. And for now that is what I choose to focus on. To focus on the fact that I am loved nor am I alone. For that I am grateful.
I have days where I lose it and I whine and cry and eat whole pints of ice cream. I know ice cream doesn’t help, but it’s ice cream. What does help me when my focus is centered on how much my life is sucking at the moment is remembering Job. He went through about 9 months of trial and sickness, So I read the book of Job. But not the whole book. Not the parts where his friends try to explain why this is happening, when really they are more clueless than Job is. Nor the parts about what he lost or his suffering. I just read the end, chapters 38-40. It’s where God answers Job and Job gets to know God in a real and tangible way. It gives me hope to hang on for one more day and the peace squelches out my fear for that day.
If you’re swimming in the deep crap end with me, you don’t want to hear trite sayings. What you are going through sucks and I am sorry that you are hurting. I cannot fix it for you or tell you how long you’ll be there. I can tell you that you are loved. I can tell you that you are not alone. I am praying today for those who are suffering through a rough season of trials.
Constant
Today is a random pondering day for me. I’m thinking about the change and why I love to hate it. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote by Heraclitus of Ephesus,”The only thing that is constant is change.”
He also said, “Everything changes and nothing stands still. You could not step twice in the same river; for other waters are ever flowing onto you.”
It’s why I love photography so much. Capturing a moment in time and preserving it forever. A baby’s first smile or steps. Your childhood best friends who you swear will always be there. A flower in full bloom or that ever flowing river that will never be the same again.
The danger is holding so tight to those moments that we get stuck and refuse to move forward. I can’t ever get yesterday back. I can’t stop my nieces and nephews from getting taller than me or my grandparents from aging. There are times I want to go back and relive moments and times when I want to go back with a giant eraser. But I can’t. None of us can.
All we can do is find a balance of taking the memories with us but not letting them paralyze us from embracing the new day we are in right now.
I like the quote by W.Somerset Maugham, “Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”
Embrace every day and every new season. Be all in. That’s my goal right now. To really live, not to just exist. Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly. He didn’t come so we could just survive.
I know I’m all over the place but it’s where I am right now. I’m in a time of serious transition. I don’t have any idea what will happen tomorrow. Hence my quoting of quotes and rambling. I feel like I’ve been in a season of constant motion. I feel like I’ve got motion sickness and the speed of which the days and weeks are rolling by are making me dizzy with a tinge of nausea. I feel like I spend so much time trying not to fall down and figure everything out that I’m wasting these precious days I should be living to their fullest. I feel like a fan, vacillating back and forth between fear of failure and fear of missing out on what my life could have been.
That being said, here’s a change quote from me…”There are two constants in this life;one is change and the other is a God who doesn’t.” -Jill Nicholson
I have to keep reminding myself that I can rely on God to constantly love me every day. He loves me whether I’m embracing life that day or I spent it sitting on the couch with my knees pulled up sobbing. I can trust that He is the same every day. He is forever faithful and keeps His word. I need those reminders daily lately, because all my safety nets are gone now. I have the words God gave me and the promises. That’s it. And it’s scarier than vampire clowns to someone who has grown accustomed to schedules and routines.
I have always trusted God in theory. I mean He’s done some spectacular things through random and ordinary people. I know he can do anything. But I also know me. I tend to be like that ever changing river that flows down the easiest path. I’m not a fan of mountains or climbing. I like the view but the risk of the fall vs the spectacular view…well I choose to purchase the photo of the view from someone who was crazy enough to climb said mountain.
Do you know what happens when you trust God only in theory? He tests your theory. When God tests your theory, He proves it beyond any doubt. I’m witnessing with my own eyes how faithful He is. I am experiencing what peace in chaos actually feels like. (FYI it’s awesome) So while I still have no idea what will happen tomorrow or how all the chaos in my life will be worked out. I know that it will be worked out for my good, because that is the God I serve and love. He does not change. He is always faithful. He is always trustworthy. He always loves and reacts in love.
This is what I am telling myself today. Change is constant. But so is God.
“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” Numbers 23:19 NLT
“I am the Lord,and I do not change.” Malachi 3:6 NLT
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 NLT
Brave
God’s love penetrates so deeply & fills you so completely that there’s no room for fear! If you’re not feeling strong & courageous you need to meditate on how deeply you are loved.
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” I John 4:18 NLT
Since it is Musical Monday…here’s a great reminder from Nichole Nordeman: His love makes me brave!
jillbeingstill 