I Am A Princess
I found a picture on the web with a twirling girl that said, “I am a princess not because I have a prince, but because my Father is the King.”
I love me some princess movies. Sleeping Beauty. Tangled. Frozen. Princess Diaries. But my favorite is Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn.
There’s a scene where she is in the taxi, deciding between a regular life with Joe Bradley or being who truly is…the daughter of the king.
Spoiler alert: She chose duty.
She chose to serve her people, her father’s people.
The first time I saw it I sobbed. Why? Why can’t she be with Joe Bradley? He is just dreamy dreamy dreamy. I mean come on…Gregory Peck…in the 50’s suits. I’d cry too if I had to leave him, like she did in the taxi. Just being honest.
Then I had a revelation about the responsibility being a daughter of THE KING. The responsibility of sharing who He is, and how He loves and sees people. Chosing to love, when people are unlovable. Chosing to pray, truly standing in the gap for others. Declaring The Word over the situations we see.
So I loved the reminder of the fact that I am already a princess, even without the prince.
Point to ponder while you wander…You are a beloved child of the Most High God!
John 1:12, Romans 8:29 & 9:8, Ephesians 1:5, I John 3:2
2016’s Resolution
Last Year’s New Year’s Resolution. Pass or Fail. I’ll let you decide.
Backstory: I determined after about a decade+ of the same new year’s resolution (not putting myself in a situation I was not strong enough to resist). I was going to stop doing resolutions. Goals are important. Yes. But tying them to a day on the calendar I think can sometimes be more stressful than good. Anyway… I had a well meaning (I think) person ask me about my new year’s resolutions. I told her I didn’t have any. She looked at me like I had three heads. “Bbbbut you have to have new year’s resolutions.”
Um. No. I don’t.
But the conversation continued until I said fine….my new year’s resolution is to learn the actual lyrics to Bennie and the Jets by Elton John.
I believe there was eye rolling involved by one or both parties…but it was a year ago so I can’t be completely sure.
So did I in fact learn the lyrics to Bennie and the Jets? Well….let me type them out and see how I do. This is without listening to the song in a few weeks. And without it on now. Just memory.
Hey kids, shake it loose and listen. The spotlight’s hitting something that’s been known to change the weather. We’ll kill the spotted calf tonight so stick around. You’re gonna hear electric walls of souuuuund.
Oh Candy and Ronnie have you seen them yet? Ooh but their so spaced out. Bbbbennie and the Jets. Oh their weird and their wonderful. Oh Bennie she’s really keen. She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit. You know I read it in a magazine, oh ohhh. Bbbbennie and the Jets
Hey kids….. something something something…
hmmm. There’s another part here la la la la la
We’ll fight our parents out in the streets to see who’s right and who’s wrong.
Oh Candy and Ronnie have you seen them yet? Oh but their so spaced out. Bbbbennie and the Jets. Oh their weird and their wonderful. Oh Bennie she’s really keen. She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit. You know I read it in a magazine, oh ohhh. Bbbbennie and the Jets
Okay… I’d give myself a C+ if these lyrics are correct because I can only remember the first and last lines of the 2nd verse.
Now I’m gonna listen to it and see if I can get them all….hold briefly. Or maybe you listen too. (The video is classic 70’s Elton…my personal favorite Elton).
Ok…so I missed a few words. electric music solid walls of sound. In my first attempt. Fatted calf. Not spotted.
Chorus. Yes. Yes. Pretty Solid.
2nd verse with the music…not perfect but close. This is what I sang… Hey kids welcome to the faithless uh uh blinded but Bennie makes them ageless. We shall survive let us bring ourselves along. We’ll fight our parents out in the streets to see who’s right and who’s wrong.
Full Lyrics to Bennie and the Jets by Elton John and Bernie Taupin
Hey kids, shake it loose together
The spotlight’s hitting something
That’s been known to change the weather
We’ll kill the fatted calf tonight
So stick around
You’re gonna hear electric music
Solid walls of sound
Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
Uh but they’re so spaced out, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets
Oh but they’re weird and they’re wonderful
Oh Bennie she’s really keen
She’s got electric boots a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazine
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets
Hey kids, plug into the faithless
Maybe they’re blinded
But Bennie makes them ageless
We shall survive, let us take ourselves along
Where we fight our parents out in the streets
To find who’s right and who’s wrong
Oh Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
Oh but they’re so spaced out, Bennie and the Jets
Oh but they’re weird and they’re wonderful
Oh Bennie she’s really keen
She’s got electric boots a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazine, oh
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets
Oh Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
Oh but they’re so spaced out, Bennie and the Jets
Oh but they’re weird and they’re wonderful
Oh Bennie she’s really keen
She’s got electric boots a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazine, oh
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets
Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
Jets, Jets
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie
Bennie, Bennie and the Jets
So I did pretty well, not perfectly…but pretty well. I listened to three times in a row and got it about 99% right, so I am checking the box to 2016 New Year’s Resolution Complete. If you’re looking for a new year’s resolution or need one to get someone off your back. Give this one a try. It was a fun one for me over the year. I tried to get other people to learn them with me. My 12, now 13, year old nephew. My roommate. You know. Share the fun.
Point to Ponder While You Wander… Don’t let people pressure you about your goals. You determine where you’re headed. So you should set your own goals that lead you in the direction YOU want to go. Don’t be pressured into being or doing something that just isn’t you. You be you.
Also…not all goals have to be life or death serious, people. Jesus came to give us abundant lives…that includes joy and laughter. And this NY’s Resolution thing has been really funny to me all year long.
PS…Do you sing “Hold me closer Tony Danza” instead of “Hold me closer Tiny Dancer” too? Or is that just me? Ha ha
Jesus is not a wussy
Tonight I had a conversation with an intelligent and kind man who wanted to talk about theology, religion, and the rules. I think he was genuinely curious…and not bad mouthing God.
But I am simply the wrong person for that kind of intellectual based conversation. Not my strong suit. Because it is such a heart thing for me…that I cannot always explain so someone’s head can understand. I hope that in the coversation that I represented my Jesus well. But I’m not sure I did.
I just love Jesus. And Jesus loves me. He’s my guy. He saved my life when I didn’t believe I was worth anything…including life. I thought I was a mistake who wasn’t even eligible for the promises of God. But now…I know He knew I was worth dying for…so He gave His life. So I live for Him.
Do I screw up? Yep. Daily. But He still loves me. He still roots for me. He still thinks I’m worth it. And He feels the same way about you.
Religion sucks. Because it puts you in a box to be like everyone else.
Jesus doesn’t fit in a box. He walks on water and calms storms. He touches lepers and heals them. He teaches women and calls them to change the world. He loves first. He flips over tables when people cheat or rob in the name of God. He is not a passive wussy. But He is love. He gives peace that passes all understanding. He loves first. Yes, I said this twice because it is worth repeating.
He loves you no matter who you are or are not, and no matter what you have done.
He is the love of my life. My heart. And generally that is such a private and personal relationship that I don’t talk much about it.
But today I felt like I needed to. So I did. The end.
Point to ponder while you wander…Jesus is not a wussy. He’s a life giver who flips tables, loves the unlovely, and believes in those the world thinks are beeath them.
Reinforcements
“Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave, courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting- for He will never disappoint you!” Psalm 27:14 TPT
I ended my last blog with this verse.
And immediately I was attacked about all these things. Patience. Courage. Hope. Trust.
Honestly, I’ve hit the breaking point. I want to quit.
I don’t want to spew forth negativity or go back or undo progress I’ve made. So I put on worship music and I called in reinforcements. No seriously. I did. I knew if I called people I’d rant and be negative. So I messaged a very select group of trustworthy prayer warriors. I have a great group of friends, but what I’m battling is not to be shared with all my people. Just mentors and a few others. I’ve learned the lesson that when you’re in a depressed state or a downward spiral, the first thing you should always do is turn on worship music. The second thing is pray. When I can’t pray…like today…I call in trusted people to pray for me.
I will come out of whatever funky dark place this is. I will overcome. I will be back to myself. I will kick fear’s ass.
But today I need help. So I asked for it.
That’s all I got today. Worship. Ask for help. Pray.
Point to Ponder While You Wander…Don’t give up, but instead lift up your hands and worship. Many battles were won in worship in the Bible.
Musical Monday: Alive in You
I went to She is Free, a conference in NYC, in October. There we sang a song that resonated in my spirit. Didn’t thing to get the name of said song.
Got home. Couldn’t remember song. Was super sad about it.
Today I went online to buy some new tunes.
Found said song. Only took 2 months.
It’s called Alive in You. It is sung by the incredible Kim Walker Smith and Jesus Culture.
Point to Ponder While You Wander…Why is it that stupid songs get stuck in your head, but when you find one that feeds you on the inside you cannot remember it? Feel free to discuss with your people.
The David Principle
I know I haven’t been posting much lately. Sorry about that.
I have been working 10-12 hour days. But the bigger issue is that I’ve been struggling with sadness and motivation to do anything in this transition time. I’m frustrated. Soooo frustrated.
Frustrated with my expectations not being met. Frustrated because I have no idea what God is doing. Frustrated that everything is in flux all at the same time and there’s nothing I can do unless I choose to stay put and not move forward.
I want to move forward.
I need to move forward.
But it is not easy.
I’ll admit to all y’all that I’m emotionally and spiritually exhausted and I’m fighting the urge to complain and be a full on spewer of negativity about this time of transition.
So two days ago I decided to read a Psalm a day…to reinforce what I refer to as The David Principle.
The David Principle is when you take all your negative feelings and the real true crap of what’s going on in your life and vent only to God about it. Like David did in the Psalms.
Then, when you’ve gotten it all out…you worship God. There by reminding yourself that God is glorious and merciful, and able to turn around the worst parts of your life for your good. Here’s a jam from my current worship playlist, Chainbreaker.
In my sadness, I’m struggling with my “be bold and courageous” right now. And I really need to be brave because everything in my world is in flux right now. My only security and stable thing right now is Jesus. Literally everything else is in flux.
Anyway…here’s a snippet of my Psalm of the Day:
“But in the depths of my heart I truly know that you have become my Shield; You take me and surround me with Yourself. Your glory covers me continually. You alone restore my courage; for you lift high my head when I bow low in shame. I have cried out to you and from Your holy presence, You send me a father’s help.” Psalm 3:3-4 TPT
I needed this reminder.
I needed to be reminded that He is always here for me. I just need to focus my my attention to Him. Even just reading this Psalm and told me what I needed to hear today. My daily bread from Heaven today!!
I needed to be reminded that this is only temporary but God is permanent. He loves me, and I am going to get through this.
Point to ponder while you wander…”My true Hero comes to my rescue, For the Lord alone is my Savior.” Psalm 3:8
The Bride
We are both the bride of Christ, and a heir, a son with an inheritance.
As a girl, I get the bride part. But it’s weird to think of myself as a son. I’m sure that for guys it’s probably the same in reverse. Then I learned something…God is bigger and His Kingdom greater. And there are things that don’t translate into this world completely. He explains His Kingdom Truths piece by piece in ways that make sense to us in our experiences in this world. Jesus’s parables are examples of this.
Being a bride is not about being a girl. It’s about the beauty and intimacy of the marriage itself. The relationship. We, in our humanness, often translate intimacy as sex and leave it there. That’s probably why close to half of marriages end in divorce.
In a marriage relationship, sex is an important, necessary and beautiful part of intimacy. It is the one time when you are connected to your spouse body, soul, and spirit. That’s truly beautiful. But if people aren’t opening themselves up and sharing the deep parts of themselves and really connecting they’re missing out on truly becoming one with their spouse.
As a single person who has never been married, I’m relying upon what God has taught me about marriage from His Word and from watching the marriages of those around me. The good, the bad, and the truly terrifyingly ugly that inspire me to remain single. I’ve seen it all. And through it Jesus has shown me why intimacy with Him matters.
And I’ll be honest I suck at vulnerability. I have pretty much loathed it most of my life. It’s a battle that fear has typically won against me. I am not a fan of revealing my heart to people. I was very sensitive as a kid, and I was told to toughen up and suck it up. But in sucking it up and rolling on, I just walled up the fragile parts of myself and never allowed anyone to get anywhere near my heart of hearts. Not even Jesus.
Just hearing the word vulnerable or intimacy caused me to shut down. But I had a break down of sorts, and as a last resort I opened up the outer layers of myself to Jesus, most of which were areas of brokenness. When I did, I quickly learned that He is kind. He is gentle. And that He truly loves me. As He healed the outer layers, I opened up more and more to Him. I’m tearing up just thinking about it right now. My relationship with Jesus is personal and I keep that part of my life in my heart of hearts. It’s not something I share easily with people.
So even though I love Jesus completely, I struggle talking about Him and how good He is simply because it opens up my most vulnerable place. Jesus saved my life in every way. He is my everything. But when you tell people this kind of thing…they roll their eyes or say, “Oh amen.” And it feels cheapened. Then I get angry. So I just don’t tell people about Jesus.
Believe me, I am aware that this is the opposite of the great commission and goes against everything I should be doing as a believer. But I choose to just live my life out of that relationship and the love that He’s given me. I treat people better than I ever have. I have a greater capacity to love people, even the people I vehemently dislike. I am more peaceful. I have a greater joy. My countenance has lightened. My perspective skews towards seeing people as Jesus sees me.
I tried to love people before…and I’ll be honest…I wasn’t very good at it. I still have days where it’s hard to be kind and patient. But I find that I’m not as judgmental or critical of myself or others as I have been. It happened gradually, just by being with Jesus. I didn’t try to change. I didn’t do a self-help book or force myself to be kind. It was a side effect 0f intimacy with Jesus.
The more time I spend with Him, and in His Word, the kinder I become. The more I want to put my arms around the world and just hug them until they understand their worth and value. I cry a lot. I am super sensitive, even more so than I was as a child. Yet, I feel safe. I feel protected and guarded. I’m not afraid of being me anymore. The Jill that God designed is sensitive. She was designed that way because she is an intercessor. And she needs to be passionate about seeing healing in the brokenness around her. I was created on purpose for a purpose. Praying continually for people, even people I’ll never meet, is a part of that. This understanding came from intimacy with Jesus. By being His bride.
Intimacy is defined as close familiarity, closeness and also private and personal, confidential. It is characterized by an atmosphere conducive to privacy and comfort. And it relates to and is indicative of one’s deepest nature.
It’s that picture of a bride and groom coming together in marriage. The hope in it. The joy in it. The openness. The joining together. The partnership.
One of the things that helped me to understand what it looked like to be the bride of Christ was reading Song of Songs in the Passion Translation. I highly recommend it, because in this version you can truly see the divine romance between yourself and Jesus. The way He loves us is just so thick and deep and genuine. Reading Song of Songs the first time took me about a month because I could only go a verse or 2 at a time. It completely wrecked me (in a good way).
One of the first interchanges between the Shulamite (me) and the Shepherd-King (Jesus) is Chapter 1, Verse 5:
The Shulamite: “I know I am so unworthy–so in need.”
The Shepherd-King: “Yet you are so lovely!”
The Shulamite: “I feel as dark and dry as the desert tents of the wandering nomads.”
The Shepherd-King: “Yet you are so lovely–like the fine linen tapestry hanging in the Holy Place.”
This verse cut me. I physically felt it like a scalpel cutting away my negative image of myself and replace it with, “I am lovely.” For months every time I’d have a “I’m so fat” or a “I am ugly” thought, I’d hear Jesus say, “You are so lovely.”
I will never be the same again. Ever. I can’t go back to before or undo what His love has done to me.
Point to ponder while you wander…This is what being the Bride of Christ looks like in my life. What does it look like in your life? I’d love to hear what Jesus has shown you about being the Bride. Feel free to comment or to message me privately. Same goes if you need prayer.
Pear Tomatoes and The Sick Day
I’m currently down with a sinus infection. So after picking up my prescription today I went to the store to get some essentials. And I found these…
For those of you who don’t know, these glorious things are pear tomatoes. One of my top ten favorite foods.
NaNa used to grow these for me when I was young. Being alone in a new city, and sick, I needed this today. I needed happy yellow fruit and the memory of something NaNa used to grow specifically for me, because she knew I loved them.
I don’t have a point for you to ponder while you wander today. I just needed to share my little spot of joy in my Kleenex and Neti Pot filled sick day.
I also have a sick day confession… Hallmark Christmas Movies started today and I was sucked in to watching two of them before my nap. I know. I know. I broke my rule about all things Christmas waiting until after Thanksgiving today. But Hallmark Christmas Movies are the cheesiest (and by cheesiest I mean ooey gooey heartwarming and predictable but I love them and cannot help myself) and best! Now I want to have a cheesy Christmas romance in my life soooo bad that it’s ridiculous.
Hallmark Christmas Movies are indeed my guilty pleasure and apparently my kryptonite.
This has been confessions with the Red Hot Jilly Pepper. I am sorry but not sorry. And you’re welcome to join my Hallmark movie support group. I’ve got tissues. You bring the snacks. We’ll watch together and dream of our own perfectly orchestrated Christmas romances. 😉
Gifted and Talented
Music. I love it. It is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. And the people who make the music, they are gifts too.
I’ve always desired to be musical. I joined band in elementary school. Probably the worst flutist ever to pick up the flute. I begged for a keyboard and piano lessons. I got the keyboard, but that whole two hands doing two separate things at the same time thing. Yeah. I cannot do that. I was in elementary school choir. I was in junior high choir too. In eighth grade, I was directed to sing so softly that I couldn’t be heard at a concert.
I realized then that maybe music wasn’t in the cards for me. Didn’t stop me from singing, I sing all the time. I also dance (AKA flailing) and paint (AKA creative therapy). But those are stories for another day.
What’s the my point? There is only one Kim Walker Smith. There is only one Martina McBride. There’s only one Natalie Grant. There’s only one Loretta Lynn. There’s only one Aretha Franklin. There is only one Doris Day. And there’s only one Jill Nicholson.
Jill Nicholson? Who’s that?
That’s me. I am Jill. I have gifts and talents chosen by God and entrusted to me to cultivate and grow. But for years I felt that because I couldn’t sing like I wanted, that I wasn’t talented at all. That is a lie straight from the enemy. Unfortunately, I believed it for too long and wasted years I could have been tending to the natural abilities I WAS entrusted with.
I believed the lie. So I took my ball and went home.
The parable of the talents comes to mind here because I did bury what I had inside and hide the talents I did have. I didn’t take photography classes because I was afraid I’d be told I wasn’t good at it. Then I couldn’t take photos anymore. I didn’t want a repeat of the choir concert incident. I only wrote for class assignments. Research papers and essays essentially. When I did write other things, I didn’t let anyone read them. I still struggle with letting people read my creative stuff.
“Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” John 12:24-25 MSG
I know the context of this verse is Jesus speaking about His upcoming death, burial, and resurrection. But this is what Jesus woke me up at 3:30 am to show me…If we take the gifts and talents that we have been entrusted with by God, both spiritual and natural, and we keep them to ourselves they are wasted. But if we take the time to develop them, and sow them into His kingdom, those gifts are multiplied beyond what we could ever imagine.
Nothing given to Jesus is ever wasted. It’s always multiplied in some way. I’m still chewing on this, because I know there’s more here, but this is initial revelation.
Point to ponder while you wander…Appreciate the gifts and talents in those around you, not be envious or jealous of them. Be grateful for the abilities YOU WERE given and be good stewards of them.
PS: Parable of the Talents is found in Matthew 25.
jillbeingstill 