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Home » Musical Monday » I Wanna Go Back

I Wanna Go Back

I’ve been walking around singing the chorus to an Eddie Money Song, “I Wanna Go Back.

You know the song right?

I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can’t go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I’m feeling so much older
But I can’t go back I know

How many times in life do we wax poetic about the past?  How often to we think that a previous season was just so much better than the one we are in?  Especially when we’re in a stretching time, waiting on the Lord, or being required to step out in faith.

That’s when we begin to practice the art of selective memory.  “Welllll…I may not have been appreciated at my old job, and I had to work unpaid overtime, but at least it paid well.”  “I know my dream is to live in the BIG CITY but I’ve lived here my whole life.  I am comfortable here.”  “I know God is calling me to step out and do __(fill in dream here)___ but I just __(fill in excuse here)__.”

It’s so easy to just remember the good and filter out all the rough stuff.  Or vice versa to remember only the bad and filter out the good.

The truth is usually somewhere in between.

Every season has positives and benefits and also opportunities to learn patience and grow.

My current season is all about letting go of the past and completely embracing all the new things.  I’ve given away, sold, and donated most of what I owed.  Couch. Bed.  TV and DVD Player.  All gone.  I reduced my library to the bare minimum.  I pared down my DVDs to the essential favorites.  I’ve pretty much got a car, clothes, shoes, an inherited storage bench, jewelry, and a whole lot of artwork.  And it’s all chilling in an 8 X 10 area of my Mama’s basement.

I’ve been working out of state on a work engagement.  And I felt like the last time I went home, that I had to let go of home.  I know that I need to be open to what is coming next.  So I moved out of my comfortable home that I shared with my roommates with the affordable rent.  And got rid of the above mentioned stuff and moved the remaining into la basement a la mama. (Thanks Mom!  You’re the best!!)

Where am I going to live after my work engagement is over?

I literally have no idea.  But God does.  And I need to just trust that He wouldn’t tell me to let go of something, if He didn’t have something better for me.

Is that scary?

Yes.  Yes it is!

Is this easy?

No.  No it is not!

And I’m singing…I wanna go back go back and do it all over but I can’t go back I know. 

But I really don’t want to go back.  I want to move forward.

I know in my gut that God’s doing something amazing.  And I have peace that I am right where He wants me to be.

I’ll be honest though…there’s a part of me seeking to hold onto the comfy security of the season I was just in.  It was a relatively calm, peaceful season after the 2 tumultuous years of suck I lived through.  I could wax poetic about how good that season was.  And it did have some really great benefits!  But I’d be lying if I said it was an easy season.  Because it wasn’t.  It was a season of the greatest losses I’ve ever experienced in my life.  In 5 months lost my Papa, my Nana, and my Dad.

Like I said…every season has its perks and its drawbacks.  Perk-great roommates and cheap rent.  Drawback-loss of my people.

A part of me would even love to go back to the two years of suck…because I had my people.  I spent so much time with my grandparents during that time.  They needed help, and because of continual unemployment I was available to help them and just be there.  But I can’t go back.  I can’t go play scrabble or dance with Nana on her deck.  I can’t go watch tv with Papa or take him out to a movie or a museum.  I can’t call my Dad, and tell him about the stupid thing I did that day, so we could laugh together about it.

I’m really learning to appreciate that each season is a mixed bag.  Some wonderful moments.  Some challenging events.  Always an opportunity to grow and change.  And reasons to be grateful abound.

So even though we cannot go back and do it all over again, we can take the lessons and the memories with us as we go forward as a reminder to enjoy the current season.

Point to ponder while you wander…

The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, ‘If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!’” Numbers 11:4-6 NIV

This is the epitome of selective memory.  The Israelites were poorly treated slaves, that their male babies were slaughtered by the Egyptians.  They were on their way to the Promised Land, and yet they wanted to go back to being slaves again so that they can eat some cukes and garlic.  Really?

Don’t despise the journey.  Learn from it.  Grow from it.  And trust God.

Here’s what I’ve learned through it all:  Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord.  Be brave, courageous, and never lose hope.  Yes, keep on waiting- for He will never disappoint you!”  Psalm 27:14 TPT

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