I keep trying to focus on what I’m supposed to be doing right now. It’s hard. There are distractions everywhere all the time. There are friends and family who I love and want to spend time with. There are great books to read. Good movies and television shows to watch. There are church events, conferences and small groups to attend. People to pour into and encourage. My house needs to be vacuumed, badly. I need to do laundry. There are dishes in the sink. I really could use a nap. I probably should to go to the gym. It’s so nice out, I really should be outside.
So many things I could be doing. Not one of them are bad things or wrong things…but right now I have a God project with a short deadline. Looking at it, it seems an impossible deadline to meet and I just want to quit. I want to give up and just sleep.
God’s confirmed to me that I am where I’m supposed to be and that this project is the beginning of the rest of the words spoken over me coming to pass. I’m so excited about all that God has for me and my future. Truly. But I’m still holding back. I’m still hiding. I know that God is faithful. I know that God wouldn’t ask me to do something He hasn’t equipped me to do. I know He’s with me and will do what I can’t. And yet, here I am just under three weeks out from my deadline and I’ve barely started.
I had a talk with a friend earlier this week and she said this, “Are you willing to do what ever it takes? Are you willing to go all in?” I have to admit that I’ve always been reluctant to go all in on anything. In relationships I always hold back a part of myself. In work and school, I’ve rarely given 100%. I’ve thought if don’t go all in and I fail…well…somehow that’s excusable to me. It’s ok. But if I were to go all in and fail…well then that makes me a failure. I do not know when or how I acquired this faulty logic….but I did. I’m not sure if it’s fear or laziness or a combination there of but this thinking’s got to go.
I keep thinking of what it says in Revelation 3:15-16, “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!”
I don’t want to be wishy washy or luke warm. But truthfully for most of my life I’ve just let things happen instead of choosing a path. I wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted so how could I make a decision? I would still complain because I don’t like what was going on in my life, but I didn’t know how to change it. I didn’t realize I was doing this until a few years ago. Once I realized it, I tried very hard to seek God’s will for my life and choose to follow the path He set for me. Honestly, I thought I’d gotten better and improved, but truthfully….I haven’t. If I had, I’d be so much farther on my God project.
Life’s about choices. Both the ones we make and the ones we don’t make. I am standing at the fork in the road. I can choose to stay right where I am. I can let life just happen to me or I can choose to obey God. I can choose to do what it takes to complete this project. I can take the necessary steps to go in the direction of all the amazing things God has for me.
Today I choose to believe God and trust Him. Today I’ve decided that I’m going to do whatever it takes to accomplish the task God has given to me. I’ve decided to go all in and hold nothing back. It’s a whole lot scary…but I’m gonna do it anyway!
This is my prayer & my goal. Romans 12:11, “not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;” and I Corinthians 15:58, “So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.”
This song came to mind when I was writing this, and I found a video of Third Day singing it. (Yay!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpE2cLdVsk8