jillbeingstill

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Memory

Sigh.

Sometimes on social media I hear from someone I had forgotten about. This past week it was an ex from wayyyyyyy baaaaaack in High School. I haven’t spoken to him or thought about him in probably a decade or more…probably more.

But the second I saw his name it was like BAM POW KA-BLAM.

I’m suddenly 17.

I see him pull up to take me out for our last date before he leaves for the military.

He looks somber & his eyes are red.

He takes my tiny hands in his big muscular ones…then slowly slides his class ring off my finger. The ring I’d meticulously wrapped with fuzzy yarn so it would fit.

All he said was, “I’m sorry.”

Then he left.

I remember everything about that moment except how long I stood in the entry way of my house in shock before my mom discovered me there.

I remember hearing Richard Marx’s “Right Here Waiting For You” when I opened the door. That song still makes me cry, but until today I couldn’t remember why.

I remember I hyperventilated from crying so hard that night.

I remember realizing that I really loved him, and wondered if he ever really loved me.

I had all but forgotten about that guy…so it amazes me how vivid and tangible that single memory of him remains.

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